Take longer than 90 seconds to pee? See a doctor and you're gonna make a mess. Alternatively, just never put the toilet seat up.
Unfortunately, if you don't already own one of those fancy slow-lowering toilet seats, then about 60 seconds after you're out of the bathroom and done not washing your hands you're going to hear the toilet seat come crashing down like a gunshot.
Still, a small price to pay to not get murdered in your sleep by your wife or girlfriend. "Thank God he only pees sitting down."